I remembered these from either:
Humans are 75% water. Basically cucumbers with anxiety. If I don’t get anxiety, does that mean I’m delicious with lime and salt?!
Your future self is watching you right now through memories. Not if I drink this whole bottle of vodka!
The word “swims” is the same upside down. Listen, I’m not into witchcraft so…
Being a worm must be awesome. It’s like “man, that dirt was great, I wish there was more.” And there always is. New Life Goal: be as happy as a worm.
Volleyball is just a really intense game of Don’t Let the Balloon Touch the Ground. My crutches and knee brace can confirm intensity level.
Birth Certificates are just receipts for human beings. I don’t want to hear this. My mother only ever shops discount!
Asking for someone’s name is weird… Basically: “What noise should I make to get your attention?” Muahaha I’d like to see you try and pronounce my real name! Its foreign & weird!